Full disclosure: I got the idea of writing random open letters from The Fat Cyclist. Check out his blog – you’ll spend at least 5-10 minutes laughing. Now back to our regularly scheduled post.

Dear Target,

I am a shopaholic and while I don’t completely blame you for my condition, I can’t help but notice that you seem to be encouraging the problem.

First of all, when did you start sending me catalogs in the mail that had nothing but pictures of products and prices? I’m in the store 2-3 times per week – I don’t need photographic reinforcement of everything you’re selling. Obviously it’s a tactic to get me back in the store.

As such, during a visit to the store yesterday, I realized you are also contributing to my propensity to raise both my children as up and coming shopaholics.

As you know, there is a selection of cheap, easily accessible toys at eye level at EVERY register. I know it’s standard practice to put a wall of candy next to the register, but the toys are literally killing me. In fact, yesterday I noticed that virtually every end cap next to every aisle in every conceivable corner of the store contained something brightly colored and attention grabbing.

This explains why I own so much plastic childrens’ themed tableware which is not microwavable or dishwasher safe.

In my fifteen minute romp through your store, my kids asked for the following:

>>A laser light cat toy (cat chases laser, children laugh) approximately $12.00

>>A plastic cup with a built in straw (they both begged for this) approximately $4.00

>>An Ariel Polly Pocket (even though we own at least three of them) about $5.00

>>A hand held voice recorder which actually works, but is just a toy and made my child’s voice sound like one of the Chipmunks – about $7.00

>>A greeting card – ANY card (I convinced my daughter it was much more meaningful to make a card)

>>Candy and/or junk food of various shapes and sizes – all of which were located at the end caps of the aisles

>>To go to the mall arcade. Okay, this one wasn’t your fault but I needed to mention it because I said no, then asked my daughter if she wanted to have a home video game challenge instead. She was delighted which makes me brilliant-mom. I love being brilliant-mom.

I left the store having spent only $28.00 (an all-time low!), but with two angry children. They felt gypped and, frankly, so did I. It was that moment that I realized that just about EVERY trip to your store with my children involves buying them something. A candy bar, a “small” toy, a brightly colored t-shirt, a bag of popcorn from the horrid little cafe, etc., etc.

The scariest part of the whole thing is that I felt hollow and empty because I didn’t have something special (e.g., “new”) for my children in any of my shopping bags. I cried for a few reasons when I got home.

1. The kids had completely forgotten their disappointment in not having a new toy and were busy playing with one of the MANY toys they already own…a good thing, yes, but…

2. I realized in that instant that the eye level stuff was more to play me, than my kids – and I’d been being played for EIGHT years (about the time this particular Target store has been open)

3. I’ve been training my kids to expect something new every time I go shopping, but I buy them something new because I get more out of it than they do. Together, you and I have created two monsters who ask incessantly for things while in the store and feel cheated if they come away empty handed. We’re creating little consumers and while that works out well for you, I find it extremely disturbing.

So, Target, I’m not sure what to do about this. I think I need to break up with you. You’re getting way more out of this relationship than me. Please, don’t say anything, I realize this isn’t all your fault. We’re both to blame – that really cute, but worthless snowflake t-shirt that I’ve never worn, but only cost $10.00 is the perfect example. Shame on you for selling an adorable, yet thin and seasonally inappropriate t-shirt in DECEMBER in the Northeast! And shame on me for thinking that it was okay to buy a light blue t-shirt with snowflakes on it in DECEMBER! I mean, I can wear it in summer, but it has SNOWFLAKES ON IT. What the hell?

Turns out it’s a Juniors size small, so it’s a bit too tight on me too. Will the humiliation never end??

We’ve had a lot of good times, and I admit that half of the items in my home remind me of you, and the fun we’ve had. But now I have Netflix, so i don’t need your $15.99 movie deals. I’ve also bookmarked a lot of different toy retail sites and I’m happy to say I’d rather spend a little more on really cool toys a lot less frequently, then $10-$15/week on crap that my kids stop playing with ten minutes after we get it home.

It’s true. I’ve changed. No really, I have!

Thanks for the good times, Target.

Kind Regards,

The Toy Maven

| Category Toy Box Musings